This Blog is over.
The new Blog can be seen at
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
This Blog is over.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
On June 23, I stared my day with my Husband and Doula at 5:30 a.m.. We went over my birth plan. I was super excited. My idea on child birth had changed and I was excited to have new knowledge and armed with my Doula I was confidant that I would have a 'dream labor and delivery'. As the day progressed I had a small pain in my belly, nothing major, I thought it was just the way Penelope was moving. I made many phone calls and was making arrangements for when I was going to have the baby (thinking a few more weeks out). I was supposed to go to some activities in the evening but I was feeling a little sluggish. I called a few people to let them know that I was not going to make it to the activities, I was thinking all I needed was a little nap. We had dinner as a family and got the kids to bed early. By 6:30 the pain was really bad. The pain was intense. I thought that maybe I was just in labor, even though this felt nothing like labor I had felt before. I called my Mother to come over so that Mark could take me to the hospital. I even joked on the way to the car that we would just go out on a date after the hospital because I just knew that this was not 'the time'. By the time we got to the hospital it was unbearable. I was in tears. I walked to the maternity ward with my husband and thought that I was going to have this baby in the hallway. We got checked in and the checked me to see how far along in labor I was.... well... no dilation... odd. They hooked my belly up to the monitors to see what was going on. No contractions. Baby's heart rate was in the 210-220 range, not good at all. The nurses rushed my midwife and doctor (yes, I was lucky to have both) in the room to evaluate what was going on. Soon there were swarms of nurses and people coming in and out of the room. Mark and I was told that this was a possible placenta abruption, that means internal bleeding between mother and baby because of the placenta detatchment. I looked at Mark and asked him to call our Moms, the Doula and our Bishop. I felt the need to be given a blessing by the Priesthood. Luckily my Bishop came within 20 minutes and he help Mark give me a blessing. My Doula was in shortly there after. There was talk about an emergency Cesarean. I completely lost it, my dream of having a natural labor and delivery was shattered. I started having anxiety attacks and couldn't breathe. The thought of my baby being born so early, and possible not making it, it was all too much to take in at once. Mark stayed strong. We were both so scared for our baby. Mark was scared for both of us. As they prepped me for surgery every emotion crossed my mind. What if my baby didn't make it, what if I didn't make it, what if... what if... The nurses wheeled my bed down the hall with Mark following me. We kissed with tears in our eyes hoping that this was all a very bad dream. I will spare you the details of the operation room and what happened there. I was put under general anesthesia because the doctors were afraid of how bad the 'possible placenta abruption' was. I woke up in pain. the nurses were still trying to took up the pain pump (and I think it is totally cruel to wake up from surgery like this without and pain medication already being given). I was told that is was an abruption, and a few more hours the baby and possible myself would not have made it. I was numb. I didn't want to really think about what had happened. I wanted it to all be a dream. A few minutes later, I remembered my Doula, Mother and sister coming in the room. They told me that my baby was OK. She was okay! I shed tears thinking that I had another little baby. Mark was still sitting with her in the NICU. I always told him that if anything ever happened I wanted him to stay with the baby, he did just that. Mark stood watch over our little girl making sure that she was given only the best of care from the nurses. The next few hours were a blur of what when on. I remember being angry that I couldn't get out of the bed to go down to see my baby. The nurses said I had to wait 3 hours after delivery to get out of bed, at 3 hours I had an argument with my nurse that either she was going to help me get down to see my baby or I was going to go alone... she ended up helping after I got really upset. I saw my baby for the first time in a open warmer. She was naked and sleeping. I touched her little hand. I cried. My baby was here, not the way I thought she would come but she was here, and alive. I was told the first few hours were going to show us how the next few weeks looked like for her. Needless to say she had problems with her heart rate at first. She was on O2. She didn't have control over her body temperature. With her gestational age at 33 weeks this was great news that these were the only things wrong. We counted our blessings. I said a prayer thanking my Heavenly Father that Penelope was here and we were able to see her.
Daddy loving his little baby girl.
This was the first night I had to leave her, one of the hardest days to deal with.